Identifying the Abuse
Updated: Nov 13, 2020
The first time I realized I was being abused happened during an unexpected time and in an unexpected place. I was in graduate school for mental health counseling, and one would think that I, of all people, would be able to figure out that I was being "abused." I didn't find out in my church ( that is a whole 'nother topic for a whole nother day, cause, whew chile!). I didn't find out while in the classroom, or while reading books, and I didn't find out through family members or friends. I knew at the time, "something wasn't right"; that's what I kept telling myself. But no...it was way more than that. I was being abused. I was at my clinical site for internship. I was actually mid year into my practicum and I remember walking down the hall to speak to a student. I was assigned a student for counseling and I needed to go and physically get them from their classroom. While on my way to the classroom, there was a presentation that was being presented by one of the social workers in the school. The Social Worker was doing a presentation on "Abuse In Relationships." I thought I was going to just stroll on by, and pick up my student, but what I saw on the powerpoint screen stopped me in my tracks and I found myself glued to the screen. The social worker had "signs youre in an abusive relationship" on the powerpoint presentation and my eyes glazed over. I kept looking at the screen in disbelief because every single one of those "signs" was my current lived experienced. Although the auditorium was filled with middle school students, I swear this women was talking directly to me.
I had every single one of those signs. I was in an abusive relationship and didnt even know it.
Now what I wished happened...we won't get into that. I will say I am thankful that I learned of the signs. It might have come from an unexpected place, however I am still thankful.
So here I am...7 years later....out...partially free ( another discussion for another day), and I look forward to being that "unexpected place" for anyone else who decides to peruse through my Healer's Hub. If you want to know some signs...you're welcome to read on. If you want to know how to get some additional help with navigating your "situation", feel free to contact SYP or visit www.therapyforblackgirls.com for a licensed mental health practioner.
Here are some tell tale signs your are being abused...or you're in an abusive relationship. When I say relationship, please do not limit this to only intimate partners. These type of tactics can take place while on the job, or in your everyday relationships with family and friends.
1. You are LovedBombed
If you meet someone and they tell you sweet nothings, and you feel like youre on top of the world, and nothing you do or say is wrong or could ever be wrong, and everything is perfect.
Something is not right....because nothing on this side of existance is perfect ( only the Soverigne One). Arguing is not healthy, and fighting is not healthy, but disagreement is healthy and if you never disagree its called love bombing and its an illusion. Its fake.
2. Your "person" makes attempts to isolate, control, manipulate, or frighten you. Everyone deserves to have their feelings and wants acknowledged. If you feel you never feel heard and you are consistently disregarded...something is not right.